i tried to think of everything i wanted to eat yesterday

i am on this kick. trying to lose a few pounds/inches here and there...well, more here than there, but those are unnecessary details. seriously unnecessary. so, it's been working a tad. but yesterday i had the urge to name off every food i have been wanting to eat, and i was this close...THIS CLOSE to making it happen. my list went on for hours, from perogies to pizza to pasta to poutine. i actually said at one point "i am willing to drop hundreds of dollars on this food i want to eat". i soon came to my senses and satiated my cravings with a luxurious platter of nachos. and after a mere 5 bites i was full and had lost all cravings for fatty food starting with p's.

so, why do we do this to ourselves? (see how i did that, i want to put this issue on "us" as opposed to to ME, the ONE WHO WAS THINKING ABOUT IT ALL DAY YESTERDAY) instead of focusing on my thesis, which i NEED to finish before starting my PhD program in January, i ruminated on silly foods that would please me for about 15 minutes and then ultimately make me feel bloated and nasty for the next 24 hours.

hmmm...this topic alone could be good fodder for a doctoral dissertation, which will no doubt be riddled with occurances of CAPS LOCK.

30 is the new 20. uh oh.

i turned 30 over 2 months ago, and apparently i have been so traumatized i have not wanted to write anything about it. or...i have simply been having too much fun in my new found age to have time to write in this thing. true answer - too lazy. 30 is the new lazy. 30 is also the new 20. and last week i heard that 30 is the new black and black is the new pink. my conclusion, 30 makes people delusional, and want to make up excuses to not be sad about turning 30. yeah, like, 30 is the new TGIF. or...30 is the new reason to go out and get a fake tan, breast implants and silicone lip injections. 30 is the new speaker dancing at sweaty clubs where waxed up douches in muscle shirts think they're doing you a favour by trying to wipe the sweat off their crotches on your backside to the soothing tones of lady gaga's poker face thoughtfully remixed with totally hard hitting grinding beats. right? another round of vodka cran's!!!

no.

that is all so wrong. (yet apparently oh so right for 1'000's of Calgarians in their 30's)

my 30's are going to be thoughtful, healthy and socially engaged. i swear.

i would write more on this, but i have go to carve out the watermelon i will be wearing on my head while watching the roughriders kick the sh*T out of Toronto. beer bong!!

holy crap

where does the time go?

oh yeah...

sleeping
work
worrying about work
worrying about how i worry too much
wondering where the time goes
school
fretting
internet browsing (obviously for the betterment of my pop culture knowledge, an important intellectual capacity in today's world...seriously)

and lastly,

thinking "wow, there's a lot of crap on tv"...and then watching said crap.

remember the cliche "grab the bull by the horns" or "carpe diem" or "live every day like your last"? (and many more).

well, screw those. here is my advice for everyone. and when i say everyone i basically mean myself:

do more, enjoy doing it...and drink more wine.

yeah, nothing profound. i am not a profound person. proof: extra pickles on a sandwich makes my day...and i mean MAKES it. life can't get any better.

well, that's that.

lastly...penguins are cute. proof: as seen above.

retro...

yesterday i was listening to the radio on my drive to work. to be honest, i often listen to all-news radio on these 20 minute trips. you know, just to be aware of traffic conditions, weather, and to be able to hear the same news story 18 times over during the commute. just to really "get it".

anyways, they did a brilliant piece of journalism about "retro-sexuals"...the newest catch phrase to distinguish a "type of man". what i gather is that this whole movement is in response to "metro-sexuals". a retro-sexual is a man's man, a good ol' boy who feels as though it is their place to work and a woman's place to stay at home...you know, taking it back to the good old days...

my response = barf. *cough* barf again.

my interpretation = these are the folks that would feel the need to shotgun beers in front of their buddies, followed by the necessary "i can f&%cking smash this can against my head! watch me!!!", just to prove how manly they are. because clearly that shows the brilliance it takes to be "in charge" of a woman and a family. clearly. if only i knew that is what it takes to present dominance over others. if i would have known that i would have taken it up a notch and performed a feat just as brilliant, if not more, just to wallow in the supreme-ness of my being! does mainlining heroine and eating the needles show that i am worthy of having the attitude that i am fundamentally better than others. yes? yippee! set that shit up!

story what?

after spending a weekend with friends, from far and farther, i am wondering about what really makes a good story teller. yeah, this is what is going through my brain...how inspired. don't judge.

after a few conversations one friend turned to me and said "tell us another story". huh. i didn't think i was telling stories, i was just chatting as far as i was concerned. i didn't think i had a beginning, middle and end to what i was saying....well, i don't think i ever have an "end", i just keep going and going and going, and sometimes i simply randomly stop.

...

monkeys are smart. i read it in the latest readers digest. go figure.